We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh god the rape fog is back!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
