when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
