Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize