i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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