just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
