I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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