we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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