can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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