jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
