He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
