Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
