a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
