Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
as a side note pls kill me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
