bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
