butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
