There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
