did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
