You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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