ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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