Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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