i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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