When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
