I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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