did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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