You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There are leaves in my underwear?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
