u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
