if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
