the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
