once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He shit in the fireplace
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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