Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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