I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
