I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
