He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
