Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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