I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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