this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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