Don't you send me to vm
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
