i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
