he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
