Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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