went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize