My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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