Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
did i just pee glitter
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
