oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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