i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
