I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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