I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
