So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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