mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
