have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ttyl tear gas
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
