Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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