youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
