I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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