I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
