New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize