So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
