oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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