well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
