I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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