Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
