i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
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They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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