i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
