just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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