after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
