how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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