i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
