Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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