i don't like sucking hair
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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