I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
