Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
