im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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