to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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