Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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