I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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